Learn to Forgive Instead of Holding a Grudge
When something happens to you, you may think that you will never be able to forget it or forgive the person involved. However, Bustle, and Lauren Cook, MMFT, who is a clinician practicing emotionally-focused therapy, explains that forgiving that person instead of holding a grudge is really what's best for you.
- Acknowledge your part in whatever it was that happened to make you have this grudge against the other person. More often than not, whatever you're upset about is probably not the result of just one person's actions. Consider whether you could have made different choices in the incident that you're upset about.
- Try to understand the person whom you're upset with. Maybe they had good reasons behind what they did, and you just haven't realized that yet. Try to see things from their point of view and remember that everyone has done something "bad" at one point or another, and you're not any different.
- Accept the disappointment as part of life and then try to move on from it. Most of our suffering in life is failing to acknowledge that what happened actually happened. It sucks to be made fun of, or have been cheated on, but disappointment is part of life. Coming to that realization and learning to move past it can help you grow as a person.
It's unhealthy to hold a grudge for a long time. You can decide that you no longer want that person in your life, but if you still harbor ill feelings towards them then that person is still very much there with you.