Guys If You Want People To Talk About You Then Do These Things

Guys, if you don't mind being called a jerk, pig, cheap, putz, or loser then do these things that will ensure people talk about you behind your back.

Men's Health has compiled a list of things that guys should never do if they don't want people to talk about them behind their back. I'm sure there are more, but this list is a good start.

• Underline passages in a book someone has loaned you, especially sex passages.
• Drive home from a party if it takes you 10 minutes to find the damn car.
• Hang anything from your rearview mirror, except perhaps one of those cool hula dancers.
• Yell anything at your kid's soccer coach. If you yell at the players, you deserve a bicycle kick to the balls.
• Interject yourself into another couple's domestic spat, unless the argument becomes so loud and violent that you can't hear the game.
• Show vacation photos to anybody who wasn't on the trip with you.
• Fart during a massage.
• Hesitate, or be embarrassed, even for a moment, to reap the rewards of exercise, just because you are horrifyingly obese.
• Continue talking to a co-worker after he enters a bathroom stall and sits down.
• Bring out a half-consumed bottle of wine sealed with aluminum foil.
• Exclaim at the size of the dent your girlfriend left in the sofa.
• Ask someone if his dog is "an actual breed."
• Give your girlfriend jewelry still attached to a piece of cardboard.
• Wear white socks, except at the gym, unless you're also wearing sandals, in which case you shouldn't even leave the house.
• Ask a girl if she wants to stay the night, and when she answers, say, "I was only joking."
• Pick your nose in public and, when you realize you've been spotted, attempt to casually, almost accidentally, shove the booger back up your nose.
• Use words like "fornication," "masturbation," or "defecation" in public. Using such Latinate terms instead of simple Anglo-Saxon equivalents is pretentious.
• Lie on your resume. Especially about having hamsters.
• Express impatience when your wife is talking to you by repetitively glancing at your watch, tapping your foot, nodding your head rapidly, or faking a seizure.
• Tell anyone, "Welcome aboard!" unless you're on an actual boat.
• Put on a bagpipe CD at a party.

[via: Men's Health]